Sarah's Life

It has been a long time, but hey i am a busy person. My fiance finds out on the 14 if he gets to stay in the us or not. So pray for me, i am not sure which way you should pray just pray. I got my self in to a pickle these days. I have been doing something that I should not be doing. There is this guy I have had an interest for, for a while. Well We are friends, and sometimes friends with benefits. But it is good business. We had a talk one time and we decided attachments were not for us. Just friends and sometimes more, but never any feeling and emotions for one another. Anyways something happened last time that made me realize i am doing a bad thing and i am going to get hurt. I have only been hurt once in my life and it was so lasting i promised i would never put my self in that position again. Well I like this certain guy before we were even friends, so i basically i lied when i said we would just be friends with anything else. I now have to have the strength to stay aways from him. I refuse to be a stupid girl that gets attached knowing he will never let anyone in. I am so retarted thinking i could change that. I have never had someone not let me in. He has so many issues that i wish i could help him with, and the truth is he is fine, he don;t need me or anyone else, which then confussingly makes me think he is trying to be a "hardass" when in reality he needs someone to love and care about him they way i would want to. But then again who the hell am i to walk in and want to save the day. I just want to help and... well shit i don't know. I know i want some guidence but when it really comes down to it i know all my own answers. He has been hurt before and i think he is just looking out for himself by not letting anyone in and getting hurt again. I am engaged and need to stay away, and hold everything inside till it goes away. I did this to my self, i knew from the beginning what i was doing, now i have to deal with the results. All well im a CHAMP! I miss you HOMO, but i guess you are just a busy if not more. School sucks and is getting harder. I am actually gettting a little help at work but krogers don't care about you. You are the only person that cares about you. I am begining to believe the entire corporation of Kroger is a bunch of bullshit, but maybe it is not just kroger, maybe it is every business, ever career, job, place person these days that are liers , YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND AND YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY. Alls well and then goes to hell! Call me and i will talk to you later!
love,
sarah