Tuesday, April 15, 2003
I have been studing for this math test I am having on thursday. It confuses the brains right out of me. It is on logrithmics. Honestly, I have never been and A honor roll student, I have always had to study harder then most people. I Have a bad memory or attention spand, anywho this stuff looks like a foriegn language. What is that about. My older sister, and my 4 younger siblings are very intelligent. I am not saying that I am not, but I don't consider myself as bright at somethings. I am much more informed in what they call street smarts than book smart. They all have always brought home A's, and B's. But it has always been different with me. My parents are satisfied when I bring home my B's and C's. My dad has gone out of town for then next couple of days, which in terms usually means Sarah gets to go out!!! YEAH! But not this time, I have to much to study for right now. I can't wait until summer vacation, I think. I am going to summer school, for one semester, and then I am taking the second one off so that I can go out of the country, which is not really by choice, but whatever makes my family happy. I need to go and get my oil changed but I am sure I will wait till a couple more thousand miles go by, and then I will procrastinate even more while bitting my nails, hoping I don't screw my transmission up. Oh well I guess that is just me. I hate going to those freaking car shops. They see a young uninformed female and then they say $$$cha ching$$$. I admit I am ignorant when it come to automobiles. I can't even tell you how to pop the hood, but that is not me no one has taught me. I know that there is a thingy I pull inside my car, to raise it but then sticking my hand in the hood and finding that other button is when I become lost. So when I go to those places I know that they tell me a bunch of shit so they can make money. The last few times I have been good about not letting them jip me into spending more then what I came there to spend. My job has been going decent lately. Every couple of weeks I get so pissed off I tell myself I am going to quit but then I don't. So I am wondering when I am going to get pissed off. I work with some ok people. Not to offened anyone, but I am not like alot of the people i work with. I am not saying all but there are a good handfull that have no morals, and very low standards. Was I brought up to strick, or where they brought up to...well...hmmm not strick. What ever it may be, these people don't care about anyone but themselves. I think they are selfish and they never want to help anyone out. Now once again I am not saying ALL the people I work with but i am politely saying a HANDFULL. If I were not trying to be polite I might suggest that they were "white trailer park trash, that walk around with one finger in there nose and the others up there SKANKY white ass", with the only incentives of who they can "f*c* with and over" all at the same time. I would just like to no what has happened to the world, were has all the decent people gone, and while i ask that where has all the good looking prince charmings went. Well anyhow i have got to go. I have to go back to school, for the rest of the afternoon and this evening. Easter is just a few days away, I just like to say this is the dumbest holiday right next to presidents day, assistansts day, and any other man made holiday. they are all man made but honestly I am not christian so I am not sure what santa has to do with christmas, If i were to guess it would be because Christ was born and he was a gift. (which I would like to add i hope someone never gets me pregant and calls it a gift, Please!) Anyhow I guess that is why people get presents, but easter If i am not mistaken is when Christ was risen so what the hell does the easter bunny have to do with anything. Hmmm... i am stumpped. One that note have a happy easter. love sarah
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Over the last year I have discovered the meaning to the term "she would be late to her own funeral". It seems that know matter what I do I am always freaking late. I know people think i just don't care and i take my time but i have another thing coming. I always try to be one time, it somehow leaves without me, which thus makes me late, because I am still standing around like I have a finger up my ass looking for it. Take this morning for example. I wanted to get to work at 8am so I would be able to get off at 4pm. Since I took my shower last night all I needed to do was get up and get dressed 15 min. before time to leave. It takes me 30 min to get to work. well I did not get up until 830, and then laid there until 9am. I had set my alarm for 700 which gave me til 715 to get up then leave at 730, well I was awake but once again time deserted me and left me to fall back asleep. I ended up not getting off until after 530. Do you know what sucks, I think sunday is my best day to work. I get so much accomplish, my most important things is that I get all the cleaning down and other tasks so that when monday morning comes I have nothing to do but start the week on a clean slate. here is the sucky part when I leave monday I don't uaually come back until wensday and by this time all the cleaning and keeping up with I did over the weekend has gone to the shitter. At first it use to upset me, now it is routine, and I am fine with it. I just wish people left my work area the same as I left it for them.
I have been thinking about something that has been bothering me. I have a bestfriend. I have known him for around two years now. I had the biggest crush on him, after the infactuation departed with me we became good friends. we talk everday no matter what, unless one of us is out of town, and then we talk atleast once while we are gone. we tell each other everything. I have not even one secret for him. there is only a few things I chose not to publicise about my life, and it is most likely because I am ashamed of them and they have been burried 6 feet under. But he knows everything, and we are so open about our lives with each other. We can have fun just sitting at IHOP, chillen. The discussion of what things would be like if one of use were to date, we always talk how things would never change maybe instead of everyday chatting to every other day. But other than that nothing else would ever change. Our thing is that if one of us is going or coming from work no matter where the other one was we would sit and talk to them till they had reached there final destination(shitty movie). Well At a point i was dating and he was not. And I had gone a few days w/o calling. I apologize and everything was fine. I never let it happen again. I believe friendship before relationship, so i did try my hardest to balance everything out. I think i am a good friend by the way. I have alot of people come and go in my life. For some reason I can not keep friends. The problem starts with me trusting everyone and thinking the world consists of sunshine and rainbows. People have a tendency to take advantage of that and run me over like road kill for dinner at the beverly hillbillies mansion. I once lent someone I work with $200.00 knowing she could have gotten the money someplace else, I am a softy and have a thing for helping people. I knew I would never see the money again even though as I handed the money over I heard the words " i promise I will pay you back" what was she thinking, if she could not get he money then what really makes her think she can save and give it to me later. This is just an example of the type of person I am, and I have never mention the money again. I would give you everything I own if it were to make you smile.
Well My best friend meet this girl that he works with and they talked for like a whole of two hours and now they spend everywaking moment together. Does this bother me, that she is number one and I am not? No, it does not. Does it bother me that he has not called me in two weeks? Yes, of course it does. We talk everyday and tell each other everything, we are there for one another if one is sad, upset, or so happy they have to share it with someone. and now I am nothing. I have called him a few times but the last time I talked to him, he cut me off and had to go. I did take in consideration he was at work but he could have called back, and the excuse it was to late will not fly because I have had calls at 1,2,3, and yes 4 o'clock in the morning just to talk to him on his way home from work. Now I am nothing to him. The tables turn just the slightest and that is when you can see the clearest, and realize who your real friends are. this makes me sad, and I feel like shit. How can our friendship that a total 360 within 48 hours and there be no arguing. It is like I was a mere substition to occupy the attention span until something better came. I wonder is this a girl thing? I mean do guys not care about things like this. He is not an asshole, and he has a great heart for others, but it make me feel like i am nothing when he can let two weeks go by and not even think about me once. I hate being a girl sometimes, cause if this is irratating. and fustrating me because I am a girl well thenn... shit! Maybe I am just acting retarded, but then why does it make me sad. Oh well this was just bothering me and I thought I would vent it out. Besides, he will become just another person later on in my future I will be able to say I knew once. Maybe one day I will meet an anybody male or female, and they will not #$%* me over... naaa that will never happen. I mine as well get use to it. I gave him more than 3 strikes as well as I do just about everyone, the difference this time is that I am out of endings. to bad so sad, I just wish I didn't feel so worthless. How could I have let someone in to my life and then let them make me feel this way. shame on you sarah, shame one you, you should have known better.inreality what does it mean to be bestfriends anyways did I really think I was going to grow up and we were still going to be close. Welcome to reality! Have a good night love sarah
I have been thinking about something that has been bothering me. I have a bestfriend. I have known him for around two years now. I had the biggest crush on him, after the infactuation departed with me we became good friends. we talk everday no matter what, unless one of us is out of town, and then we talk atleast once while we are gone. we tell each other everything. I have not even one secret for him. there is only a few things I chose not to publicise about my life, and it is most likely because I am ashamed of them and they have been burried 6 feet under. But he knows everything, and we are so open about our lives with each other. We can have fun just sitting at IHOP, chillen. The discussion of what things would be like if one of use were to date, we always talk how things would never change maybe instead of everyday chatting to every other day. But other than that nothing else would ever change. Our thing is that if one of us is going or coming from work no matter where the other one was we would sit and talk to them till they had reached there final destination(shitty movie). Well At a point i was dating and he was not. And I had gone a few days w/o calling. I apologize and everything was fine. I never let it happen again. I believe friendship before relationship, so i did try my hardest to balance everything out. I think i am a good friend by the way. I have alot of people come and go in my life. For some reason I can not keep friends. The problem starts with me trusting everyone and thinking the world consists of sunshine and rainbows. People have a tendency to take advantage of that and run me over like road kill for dinner at the beverly hillbillies mansion. I once lent someone I work with $200.00 knowing she could have gotten the money someplace else, I am a softy and have a thing for helping people. I knew I would never see the money again even though as I handed the money over I heard the words " i promise I will pay you back" what was she thinking, if she could not get he money then what really makes her think she can save and give it to me later. This is just an example of the type of person I am, and I have never mention the money again. I would give you everything I own if it were to make you smile.
Well My best friend meet this girl that he works with and they talked for like a whole of two hours and now they spend everywaking moment together. Does this bother me, that she is number one and I am not? No, it does not. Does it bother me that he has not called me in two weeks? Yes, of course it does. We talk everyday and tell each other everything, we are there for one another if one is sad, upset, or so happy they have to share it with someone. and now I am nothing. I have called him a few times but the last time I talked to him, he cut me off and had to go. I did take in consideration he was at work but he could have called back, and the excuse it was to late will not fly because I have had calls at 1,2,3, and yes 4 o'clock in the morning just to talk to him on his way home from work. Now I am nothing to him. The tables turn just the slightest and that is when you can see the clearest, and realize who your real friends are. this makes me sad, and I feel like shit. How can our friendship that a total 360 within 48 hours and there be no arguing. It is like I was a mere substition to occupy the attention span until something better came. I wonder is this a girl thing? I mean do guys not care about things like this. He is not an asshole, and he has a great heart for others, but it make me feel like i am nothing when he can let two weeks go by and not even think about me once. I hate being a girl sometimes, cause if this is irratating. and fustrating me because I am a girl well thenn... shit! Maybe I am just acting retarded, but then why does it make me sad. Oh well this was just bothering me and I thought I would vent it out. Besides, he will become just another person later on in my future I will be able to say I knew once. Maybe one day I will meet an anybody male or female, and they will not #$%* me over... naaa that will never happen. I mine as well get use to it. I gave him more than 3 strikes as well as I do just about everyone, the difference this time is that I am out of endings. to bad so sad, I just wish I didn't feel so worthless. How could I have let someone in to my life and then let them make me feel this way. shame on you sarah, shame one you, you should have known better.inreality what does it mean to be bestfriends anyways did I really think I was going to grow up and we were still going to be close. Welcome to reality! Have a good night love sarah
