Sarah's Life

I gave my dinner party for my dad. Boring but whatever. that was on thursday, friday I worked all day and then came home went to the mall came home and went to bed. what a LOSER. Now saturday, my dads birthday, I wanna go out but we usually go out to dinner and he is not even home. So i am not sure what is going on. I think about dieing quite often. When I was in high school i thought about killing my self alot, but I guess that was just a something that every teenager goes through. My senior year I had it all planned out. But thankfully i grew out of that stage. Just for thoughts I had plan you slit my neck, if that would have been the way i did it. My parents gave me a hard time my senior year, and I have already had two sisters die, I wanted them to go through the pain all over again. I hated the so much. But once again something teens go through I guess. Have you ever wondered what people will say after you die? What are they thinking what are they going to remember. I think about this constantly. I wonder will I die hating anyone I hope not, i have my list clear so that probably won't happen if i die soon. What are they going to say at the funeral? aweek from now are they going to go on and live there life and forget? Did i have an impact on anyone? IS there something about the way I was that people will miss? Is there something about me that nobody will miss? Is there something that no one will remember or remember forever. Have you ever wanted to write you ulegy (i don't know how to spell it). I did once before i don't know where it is now. I think I am going to write one for what i want people to know. sort of like a will but nobody is getting any thing. here i go
Dear friends and family,
I am very happy to see or maybe not to see all that have shown up. I am sorry I am gone, but if you liked me you will see me again. Don't cry for I was a happy person. I hope I brought joy to someones life at one point or another. I hope that have made everyone in here smile at least once while I have known them. I hope that I have done or have said something really dumb to make you laugh. I wish that know one would cry or be sad, it is not the time to. I hope that there is something about me that will make you remember me after today. I hope I was not rude to anyone and if i was I apologize(it is never to late). If i owed you anything well now you have a reason to visit me one day. I enjoyed being me for the time I was there. whatever made me leave was the way God wanted me to, so don't ask why. I want everyone to know how much I love and cherish them. That everyone I hope the worlds best for them wherever they might go. I hope people will slow down and watch others on how they smile, how they walk, how they brush there hair, or get upset, so that forever you will remember something special about that person. Life is extemely fast, and we never take the time to really see what is going on. We live our lives in so much fear, it is sad that when we are going some of us will leave with out conquering what we where meant to conquer. I would like everyone in the room to smile and give the person next to you a hug even if you are sitting next to a stranger, or if you are alone hug yourself. Life is to short not to be loved by someone or yourself. Never forget to tell the ones love that you love them never be afraid to show affection. You never know when you will be coming back, or if you ever will. So to conclude this, I want every one to live a happy life with lots of love, I hope I was loved in more ways then one. I hope i have touch your life is someway that will make you love me. I want to say good bye now for good. I will always be with you if you allow me too. And Rememeber I will always love you. I love you Mom, Dad Jamie, kiran, aisha, alina, Ahmed, aleah, all my family in pakistan, I love you Amy I love you megan Lindsey, I love everyone that I have never worked with, love you saima, and bina, i love you peter, and grady, and grandma and grandpa. I f I did not say your name don't think I forgot you I just got tired of typing or writing. Never lose hope and always have faith in yourself. Love sarah elizabeth butt!
now for all the goobers reading this don;t get the wrong idea it is just something i think about and wanted to write about. so don;t be concerned or alarmed. I love you

I have had an ok day off work. I got up in time to be two hours late to the dentist. They were very rude about it. The people at work aren;t that rude when I am late. So I say fuck em. My parents are only paying the $4 grand and they have the nerve to be hasty with me, umm "I think not" then I went to my nieces school preformance, Yes it was boring all I keep thinging was What is with all the joys songs and hand clapping and can I please go to sleep now. Then we went to luch my "FAMILY" We went to chili's i had some chicken sandwich with these very and spicy wing sauce, it was nothing like ten mouth watering bentley's yum! Our waitress was suc a bitch, I was starting to become very up set, at one point I yelled Jesue Christ that got the attention of the joint. I was become annoyed and the I was smashed against the wall for we had 9 people sitting in a boothe that should have only sat 6. I was not please, Now i was thinking the whole time "check please". The I went to the mother ship Central Market, yes very expensive but ohh so good. I love going there. I could spend hours in there and still have room for more. Work has been going ok. I have been getting along with my manager, which is surprisings. I feel bad sometimes, I get cranky and whinny very fast at work, and i try to hold it in but i can't I don't have the patients to not get help. Then i end up complaining to management, and i am aware they have so many other things they have to deal with, and that I am the least of there worries, it just feels fusterating when you admit you are not stong and can't do it by yourself, and they blow you off. Alll I got to say is FUCK SALES! Because that is the reason I don't get help. Well i have gotta run it is only 605 pm and there is still lots of time to do things, have a great day love sarah