Sarah's Life

OK so it is wensday, ans i have a really big test this morning over the stupid and not worth reading Iilad and the freakin Odyesse. Let me ask why teach lies and junk that is not useful, or true. I will never understans. Anyways i am successfully going to fail this test, but it is ok, i am prepared to fail, it would be different if i studyed and failed, i just know i am going to why worry. This is the time to worry about how can i change what i did this unit, so that the next 3 are so disgracful, dissappionting, careless, and i can keep going. I have a question to put out there. I was debating this with my girlfriend Bina, i love her she is the greatest. She is the nicest person, and she is one of those girl that will tell you excatly whats up. She will not agree for the sake of agreeing, she will tell you like it is. She is very honest, and is never going to lead you to believe something that is not true. ok so back to debating. I asked her... Bina if the Goverment of the United States asked all the Muslims in the US, to come down to there local court house, and enlist them selves as Muslims and wear a patch on there arm showing that they are Muslims, Would you do it. Seeing it looking like history in repeat, and we know how that turned out. Would you do it. She answer... well it does not matter how she answered, but for the saking of arguing althought we both eventually agreed, i was in the mood to debate. Honestly do you want to die in a gas chamber, or shot, hung, starved, of course not, but on the other hand do you want to live a lie forever, knowing that freedom of religion would no longer exsist. Would you live in fear of mortals rather than die in honor for Allah, and die with compasion, and the truth. Would you rather die for the only imporant one. KNowing we all die anyways, just some faster than the others. Or would you live a disgraced secreative, loney, shameful life, knowing you have to answer to him eventually. I was just pondering on this the other day. I am really not sure why. But i was. Ramadan is coming so soon. I am not a religious person, I am not even a semi religious person, I know right and i know wrong personally, but when this month comes, I become what some could say a hypocrite. I become semi relgious for thirty days and than after Eid it is back you the same ole G! Last night i was talking to Kashif and he tried giving me so many bullshit excuses on not fasting, and that how when we get married he will begin, and that was just not good enough. I was like i want to you do it now. I am not telling him or even asking i was just saying i want you to. And he replied "I will try for you" I was like hold up, don't try for me, try for Allah I mean you are not living for me, you are not goign to answer to me on the day of judgment, you are going to answer to Allah. Do it for you self, to save your self for hell, or at least the FEAR OF HELL. Do it for Allah he is the only one that can save you. NOT ME ONCE AGAIN NOT ME!!!! Ok so he was like wow you sound so modest and religious, what happened to my sarah, am i taking to someone diffenert, and that bothered me.. Now my thought is (since i am always concerned with what other peeps be thinkin) how do you see me. am i not a religious person... no i am not, but can i be at times...yes. there are different situations, that as a mortal i don't have the right to make the desion on which is more important, but also as mortals we make mistakes. I want my family to be raised unconfused on how they are and what they satand for in life. I want them to be experiences although at the same time conservative. I am them to have the knowledge and the knowledge that they have learned from. I want a family that has been raised with morals, values, ethics, wisdom, truth, serenity. I know this is up to me but maybe his is to libral. maybe he is to americanized. Meaning he has forgotten the land, and his home of Pakistan, maybe he has forgotten the truth and what he believes, what if we is putting on the hugh front. I have a lot of thinking to do. But I want him to do this on his own distiguish the differnece ont his own and know it is for Allah the almighty! just had to much time to ponder. so I will go. Happy Belated Birthday lil grady-o! Man it sounds like vacation time again, Now some should ever have to work that much ever. And it is not sitting at a desk, it is not doing filing or being the boss over ten peeps, it is like a whole freakin grocery store, man you are like 34 by the time you are 40 you are going to feel 50, don't kill yourself! Take care
Love sarah